Prosecute Bush!

At first, I was against the notion of prosecuting Bush administration officials for high crimes. I believed, as does President Obama, that we should look forward, not back, at that legal proceedings would merely give the wingnuts ammunition for vicious partisan attacks, as well as a bully pulpit to slam Democrats as "traitors".

However, as time has passed, and I see the president's efforts to accomodate the Republicans thrown back in his face (look at McCain's denunciation of the Stimulus Plan today, for example), I have concluded it's high time to draw blood (metaphorically speaking) in the ongoing struggle to retake America from the fascists and Christianists. Remember your words, Mr. President: "I won." Now is the time to act like we WON.

2008 Republican Convention Schedule

6:00 pm Mike Huckabee Salutes Confederate Flag
6:15 pm Group Hug and Cross Burning
6:20 pm Ann Coulter Bares Adam's Apple
7:00 pm OPENING REMARKS: "HONESTY IN GOVERNMENT" - Randy "Duke" Cunningham
7:25 pm Log Cabin Republicans Induct Sen. Larry Craig into Stall of Fame
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL LIGHTING OF COAL FIRED POWER PLANT
7:55 pm Rush Limbaugh Lecture: "Anal Poisoning and John McCain"
8:00 pm John McCain leads convention in rousing chorus of "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran."
8:10 pm "Why All Scientists Are Wrong," Talk Given Posthumously from Hell by Jerry Fallwell and Grand Inquisitor
8:15 pm Rick Santorum Addresses Convention: "The Secret Man on Dog Agenda."
8:35 pm George W. Bush re-ups for the National Guard
8:40 pm Ronald Reagan's corpse re-animated, still can't remember Iran-Contra
9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR BILL OF RIGHTS
10:00 pm WARRENTLESS WIRETAPPING ETIQUETTE – Alberto Gonzales
11:00 pm BILL O'REILLY SALUTES HOMELESS VETS
11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR CHILDREN WITHOUT HEALTH INSURANCE
11:15 pm Keynote Speech: "Why We Fight," by Fred Thompson
11:30 pm National Proclamation by the President: "Nucular Is Now an Official Word"
11:45 pm Glenn Beck Kicks Keith Olbermann onto Subway Tracks
11:50 pm "Abstinence Only Education, Do As I Say, Not As I Do," by David Vitter
12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD - Presented to Rush Limbaugh by Animatronic Joseph Goebbels
12:20 am Ceremonial Assassination of Foreign President by Pat "Ninja" Robertson
12:25 am Ann Coulter French Kisses Lynne Cheney in Ladies Room
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Dick Cheney, live from Secret Bunker
12:45 am NOMINATION OF JOHN MCCAIN – Swiftboat Veterans
1:00 am Laura Bush Hands Out Free Xanax
1:05 am "Reagan Republicans" Mass Mooning of John McCain
1:30 am Reagan Reanimated Corpse Proposes a Toast: "To the Youth of America"
1:40 am Closing Remarks: "Why Strom Thurmond Was Better than Harry Truman," by Tom "Hammer" Delay
1:50 am George W. Bush Celebrates End of Term in Cloud of Suspicious White Powder

Murderers, Thieves, Traitors

So, I went to Walmart at 10:00 PM last night to buy some emergency CD labels for my printer. This was the first time I ever set foot in the store, and I swore after I was finished, I'd never go back. The only reason I went there was because Fry's and Best Buy were closed, and I needed CD labels for a client's print job.

I swear, I have personally given witness to the Decline and Fall of the American Empire. The ghost of Edward Gibbon is down in Hades co-writing the book with Beetlejuice and the tormented soul of Prescott Bush.

There are two places in this world you do not want to go to find hot chicks: 1) Denny's and 2) Walmart. I saw more toothless hags than Fantasia's Night on Bald Mountain, and they all sported Walmart name tags on their black polo shirts. The store is Tweaker Heaven, or where old homeless folks go to die. Leaving the store as fast as I could, I drove home and hit the shower.

"This must be how prostitutes feel," I thought. You sell your soul in exchange for Chinese-made crap. "It's cheap, but it ain't free," Steely Dan once sang.

All of which brought to mind the terrible bridge collapse in Minneapolis yesterday. CNN announced that estimates to repair our broken infrastructure run about $1.3 trillion. But, we have "no money" do repair our bridges, roads, railroads, and airports. Why? Hmm... Maybe because we've squandered a trillion dollars in Iraq?

We've spent all this money in Iraq and have jack to show for it. Their infrastructure is even uglier than ours. "Corruption is the second insurgency," a recent government report stated.
Here's a new and unique idea. By last count, after all the mass murders and bombings, there are about 23 million inhabitants of Iraq. Not counting vermin, of course. So, why not just pull our troops out and give every Iraqi a million bucks? Wouldn't that be the Republican way? "Free market economics: Give 'em the money and let them spend it however they want." Seems like letting them fix their own damn country would be a lot less expensive than letting Haliburton pave it over and rape the earth for oil.

Our relationship with Iraq is like an abusive marriage. As my friend Stefanie recently told me, "We won't leave until they stop trying to push us out." Big Daddy Bush slaps them around and kills 600,000 civilians, and they go all passive-agressive on our ass by planting IEDs under Humvees.

Reminds me of Jack Nicholson in "The Shining." "Here's Jonny!" "Here's your worst fucking nightmare!" A decrepit empire dragging the rest of the world down its own black hole.

Sic semper imperatoris!

Impeach Bush!

Hey hey, ho ho! Bush and Cheney got to go!!

What more can we say? Condi Rice can hit the bricks, too. If she can climb out from under Bush's desk long enough. These guys have led the country to the brink of total disaster.

Once I warned that Bush would break our army in Iraq, like Valens did the Roman army at Adrianople. It seems I was close to the truth.

Speaking of the truth, we have Olbermann, Colbert, and Stewart to keep "telling it like it is," as the hipsters used to proclaim in the 60s.

The Decision Maker

Yesterday I saw our Moron-in-Chief on the news saying that "People are condemming my plan without even giving it a chance." Gee, King George, why would they do that? Hmm ... Let me think. How about these reasons:

• Your administration's utter and abject failure with previous initiatives in Iraq.
• The minor consideration that HUMAN LIVES ARE INVOLVED. Psst--Georgy Boy, running a war ain't like running a failing oil company into the ground. Real men, women, and children will loose their lives due to your faulty planning and execution.
• The idiots who can turn Saddam Hussein into a hero are truly unfit to govern the USA, much less Iraq.